The Best Cookbook Ever for Really Stupid People

Plan I A for How to Make Coffee

2011-11-15T01:08:00.000-08:00

People always write about how they have plans and outlines and shit on how to write a book.

Yea, yea, yea

Okay I have a plan tooo,

I need to check out coffee makers.

Okay I am really pissed right now, this stupid Blog will not let me make those cute indent things so I can list shit like I want to.

Fuck you Blogger asshole person in charge.

All right, back to cooking, I have a glass French press pot, (woohoo), a German stainless steel press pot and the leaky ass steamy pot. I may need to go to the store and look at equipment.

I have an electric small weenie coffee grinder, Electrolux (smuggled in from the US), those bastards that took all their business from Michigan to Mexico so that unemployed drug dealers could make a living.

I think I might also have to consider coffee beans, in that I am trying to make the greatest cup of coffee ever. And maybe water. I don't think we want to get to crazy on the water, but who knows.

So far I can get Lille beans, about 30 bucks a pound, Starbucks, gotta check the price, and there is a coffee outlet type store in the hotel, gotta find out when they open.

Okay, all this investigation has wiped me out and I gotta take a nap.

I am taking over this Blog

2011-11-14T02:52:00.000-08:00

I have given up on finding a real job and I have decided to write a cookbook.

I am not Julia Child, I am a person who hates cooking, kitchens and touching raw food. Preparing raw food sickens me. I find it disgusting.

I live in hell and have been in denial for over a year. It is time to bring some reality to my pitiful existence and try to feed myself.

I am having some trouble right now with the making of the coffee. I have always felt this was a nasty part of cooking and I entirely disagree with Big Daddy on how this should be done.

In my world you pick up a phone and call for coffee. In under 5 minutes a perfect cup of coffee is delivered to you. With a napkin and if the stars are aligned a muffin.

In BD world coffee is an ever changing kaleidoscope of wonder. Some days we have grounds mixed with beans, some days we prefer powder, some days we actually drink the puke that comes from a boiling pot.

Currently we are making coffee in an espresso type steam type machine. You put the grounds in the little basket and then you screw it up in the machine. Then you turn the button and it makes noise for about 5 seconds. It takes a break and then it starts up again, and maybe you will get some coffee. Unless there is no more water in the water type section of the machine. You never know about the water because it sometimes stays in the machine, and sometimes it does not. That is when you have water all over the counter. That is when you curse, I mean you say really bad words. Because now we have to do laundry. And really people, if I cannot cook, do you think I am Martha Stewart and can also write a home keeping book.

Not to take this off subject, but my washing machine can only do 5 dishtowels at a time.

So, I am going to really seriously look on the Internet how to make coffee with various grinds, machines, extraneous equipment and I am going to come up with the perfect way to make coffee in a shit hole and publish this recipe in my cookbook.

This could take a couple days, so don't get all crazy if you don't hear from me in a day or two. This is serious ass business.

Finally a pretty good day

2009-10-17T14:55:00.000-07:00

No one yelled at me today. I shopped and got my picture taken without any problems. And no tears. Got a paper to fill out to get one of those card things that you get a discount with. Hooray.

The hardware brought the storm window to put in and remembered the original owner of our house quite well. Well enough to know he was ghostly pissed to find the window did not fit. Oh well, we will try again this week. 3 weeks now.

Grr Dog got a new home and that is good. Miss him terribly.

Tomorrow we have to go over mail and fill out the visa information. And get a manicure done and clean the house. Yea right.

Big Daddy better get me the flight information tonight for FC. Leaves Paris tomorrow. At midnight. He has seen all the sights and eaten all the food. Au revoir and helloo FC.

FRANCE PICTURE IN LILLE&PARIS

2009-10-17T01:25:00.000-07:00

NOW BIG DADDY DOES FRANCE.............NEXT WILL BE CHINA

Coconut Fried Shrimp

2009-04-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

I forgot to take pictures to go with this one but it is great and my son wants the recepie.

All amounts can be varied and are aprox.

1 or 1/2 pound medium or large shrimp raw (best with the tails on)
2 cup of flour
1 cups of shredded coconut
1 tbls. garlic powder
1 tbls onion powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp black pepper
2 eggs lightly beaten
oil to fry in (olive oil or peanut oil)

Mix 1 cup of the flour and coconut together with spices
coat shrimp with flour
dip in egg
coat shrimp with coconut flour mix and press into shrimp and put in fridge for at least 1/2 hour

Heat oil to 350dgs or till hot but no smoke use enough oil to cover shrimp if using a fry pan
fry shrimp till golden brown aprx 2-3 minutes (watch close as it will burn easily)
Serve with cocktail sausce.

Garlic Soup

2009-04-25T13:14:00.000-07:00

I have finally got around to posting this recipie! Been very lax on my postings for some time.
This is the best soup we have ever had! Susan Spicer in New Orleans created this and I can't get enough of it. The pictures are copies out of her cook book. Just click on the pictures and you get a larger size that is readable.

Egg Salad

2009-04-21T12:57:00.000-07:00

Slave to cutie-pie, kiss my ass.

Deviled eggs on Sunday. I think not.

Big Daddy's eggs were less than acceptable. Funny looking dark yellow in the yokes. I guess I will have t look up proper cooking for eggs as Big Daddy is not taking this seriously.

Took the okay eggs (threw out the yucky ones) and mixed them with minced onion, capers, and store bought mayo and a bit of mustard, salt and pepper. Nice egg salad.

Does not keep.

I have to cook the next time and I need an egg cooking recipe. I will find one.

Garlic Soup

2009-04-05T08:02:00.000-07:00

Comming attractions..........after being slave man to Cutie Pie on a Spring Cleaning Mission. I will post the directions later.

Big Daddy

Let the games begin

2009-04-04T08:45:00.000-07:00

Big Daddy is not keeping up his blog. Big Daddy has new competition.

No, I am not going to start cooking, have you lost your minds.

The Martini Lady and The Toe Lady are going to challenge Big Daddy to put forth his best. Kind of like The Iron Chef for Detroiters. But don't tell Monica Conyers cuz none of us really live in Detroit.

So let the games begin.

Big Daddy threw the first punch by promising Garlic Soup, that means you have to make it Big Daddy, and the girls will respond in a very aggressive manner I am sure.

Big Daddy's Seafood Pasta

2009-03-08T06:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, Big Daddy is cooking again after a brief retirement. It was very good even though it was not Cutie Pie's cup of tea. If anyone out there tries this and thinks it is as good as I did, please let me know, my ego needs a boost. I need to get back in the cooking mode again. It seems the only thing that has been cooked good around here during my hiatus has been Grr Dog's hot buttered toast. Even with that he tried to bite me last night. Lots of cranky people out there, must be all the wonderful hope and change we are feeling or supposed to be feeling at this time.

Shrimp and Langostino Tails

3 tablespoons butter
6 cloves garlic, chopped
2 shallots, finely chopped
2 tbl fresh basil chopped
1 cup chicken broth
ground pepper
1 cup Parmesan cheese
1 dash red pepper flakes
1/2 lb shrimp, peeled and deveined (medium to large)
1/2 lb cooked langostino meat.
1 cup light cream
1 lb angel hair pasta
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley

In a large saute pan over medium heat, melt butter and saute garlic and shallots for 2 minutes.
Add cream, chicken broth, black pepper, and red pepper flakes and bring to a boil over medium-high heat until the liquid starts to reduce whisk in Parmesan, 1/2 cup.
Add shrimp and cook about 5 minutes until opaque.
Add langostino just to heat through.
Reduce heat to simmer, add cream and turn off heat after 1-2 minutes.
Meanwhile, cook pasta according to package directions.
Drain.
Remove seafood from sauce and set aside.
Toss pasta with sauce and parmasan.
Place seafood on top of pasta, sprinkle with parsley

This is Not Right

2009-03-02T12:24:00.000-08:00

I am begging for food. Big Daddy is not cooking or blogging.

I am really hungry.

Experimental food was only OK.

I would go sleeveless like Michelle but you would holler when I turned up the heat.

Bill Bailey won't you please come cook?

Your sweetie.

Tortoni

2009-02-26T13:56:00.000-08:00

I have been bitching about Tortoni for over 20 years. I found a Tortoni recipe from the 1800's. Still works according to the paper.

Make the damn Tortoni this weekend or see the wrath of the woman you are supposed to feed.

Don' make me give you the "eye".

I'll sign off by my new name at Plant Loco, Love the Biatch.

No more bunnies!

2009-02-22T06:40:00.000-08:00

I guess that my rabbit got you "Hoppin mad"I agree it was not very good, but even the best of us has some failures. I am looking out the back window as I am typing..........anyone for some squirrel?
Really though I gotta get back in the cooking game!
Mabey I will come with something new tonight.

Big Daddy

Nope

2009-02-21T16:07:00.000-08:00

I hated dinner. It was not to my taste. It was not just the ingredients, RABBIT. It tasted horrible. Gristle rabbit, weird wheat berry type stuff that was kind of pickle like and my most disliked food-Green beans. Yes they were dressed up with almonds, but when they are the best thing you got and you hate them, yucko. And I helped take the damn pictures.

Yuck, Yick, and WTF.

I am hungry

2009-02-20T14:23:00.000-08:00

When ya gonna cook?

ClamBake!

2009-02-15T17:17:00.000-08:00

Valentines day! Dinner was what is called a Clambake. I don't know why it is called a clam bake, there are clams in it but nothing is baked. It turned out good with Clams, Oysters, Shrimp, Mussels and Lobster tails. Also Anduille sausage and red skin tatoes. I got into cooking and prepping so much I forgot to take pictures except for a couple I have posted. We had a good and relaxing weekend and now ready to go out and see what Fresh Hell awaits us on Monday in the automotive nightmare in Detroit.

2009-02-10T16:04:00.000-08:00

Plabamos stufffed with dirty rice...........how much better can you get?

Cutie pie seemed to like it OKY DOKY......LETS SEE WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY!

The pictures don't do it justice but I think it turned out pretty good!

Big Daddy

Blood Oranges and Creme Brulee

2009-02-09T14:29:00.000-08:00

Don't want to be brutal but the oranges were okay. Just okay. I may have to actually try to do this to see if it is harder than Martha says. I LOVE "Whatever Martha".

Creme Brulee was a bit runny. Big Daddy debates this. Ha.

Tonight is Viener Snichel, spelling here unknown, I only eat it. Correct spelling Wiener Schnitzel per Big Daddy. Last time it was great. Pickled beets and broccoli slaw accompany this entree.

I am now hungry for fried potatoes and maybe those chicken strips with panko flour. With a mustard sauce. With a palm salad or water chestnut salad, or maybe a water chestnut appetizer.

Bon Appetit.

Big Daddy here!

Creme Brulee was "Velvety" not runny!

Dinner, Wiener Schnitel was a success! No Complaints from Cutie Pie and if she did I would not agree.

Just like the Austrian's would have liked it.

Ref the pictures and lets see what the other woman has to say tommorow.

Dirty Rice and Shrimp

2009-02-07T10:09:00.000-08:00

Made Cutie Pie's dinner and it was a success! New Orleans style BBQ Shrimp and Dirty Rice.

The BBQ Shrimp is a recipe I learned in New Orleans and Susan Spicer @ Bayona, was the inspiration for the Dirty Rice recipe. I have to keep these recipe's a "Top Secret" so Cutie Pie can't get rid of me!

Next dinner I will post will be made from one of the leftovers from tonights' dinner.

More Later,

BIG DADDY